How To Salvage Long Distance Relationships
By Mookambiga
MOOKAMBIGA realises that long-distance relationships can work if both parties are willing to do what it takes.
“It feels like a part of me is always missing,” said Vivya when asked how she feels about her long-distance relationship. (Photo courtesy of Vivyabarathi)
Based on new research, long-distance relationships have a success rate of 58 per cent. The same US-based survey conducted by KIIROO also revealed that many of those long-distance relationships started with meeting their partners online.
Ms Vivyabarathi, 24, who lives in Singapore, met her boyfriend Mr Arvind, 24, who lives in Malaysia, online. They have been dating long-distance for two years now. With the COVID-19 restrictions, they could not meet any earlier. As the borders opened up, they recently reunited to make up for the time they have lost.
​“It's not easy being in a long-distance relationship because it's very sad when fun events happen around us but we can never attend and enjoy it together. Additionally, the added pandemic has made it even more difficult to gauge when we can be reunited. It can get quite painful being separated for very long,” said Ms Vivyabarathi.
“We are direct with our feelings and don’t leave room for misinterpretation,” said Vivya when asked what it takes to make a long-distance relationship work. (Photo courtesy of Vivyabarathi)
​There is no doubt that distance plays a part in relationships. Ms Vivyabarathi said that her love language is “acts of service” and it demoralises her knowing that she can’t cook for her partner and take care of him like how she would if he were living in the same country as her. During her tough times, she always holds onto the hope of seeing her partner soon and knowing that the affection they have for each other will “intensify the longer they have to wait to meet again”. When it gets unbearable, she will send long text messages to her partner, expressing how much he means to her and how lucky she feels having him around.
​On the contrary, Ms Lalithaa Rai, 21, a university student, had a failed long-distance relationship. She met her partner online and dated for about eight months before calling it quits. When Ms Rai was about to go for further studies in London, her partner got insecure and tried to stop her from doing so.
Moreover, whenever they argued, she said she would be the first to initiate to resolve the issue. Over time, she knew the relationship would not last when she noticed that he was not reciprocal in his efforts to salvage the relationship.
According to The Straits Times, more couples are breaking up during the pandemic because of “seclusion, heightened anxiety” and different priorities.
​Ms Swamynathan Jananee, a counsellor from Soul Ja, said that to make long-distance work, it’s in the hands of the individuals. Couples often do not have open communication which is the first step to making a relationship work. To resolve conflicts when you are in a long-distance relationship, active listening is important.
​“You can say you're listening to your partner, but are you actually hearing them out? Are you paying attention to what they're saying or is your mind wandering off just because the person is not beside you when you're having this communication,” said Ms Jananee.
Her advice to couples who are in a long-distance relationship is to always remember why they fell in love with their better halves in the first place.
​“There must have been this one factor that you knew you couldn't find anywhere else with anyone else. If that factor is not worthy anymore, then the relationship is something you might want to reconsider. [However] if the factor is still very worth holding on to, then isn't that person also worth holding on to,” said Ms Jananee.